A carpark in Croydon. Speaking to a male acquaintance with growing incredulity, a woman is relaying an urgent phone call that she recently took from a friend. “She said ‘I was repainting my flat, naked.’” The woman pauses, then poses the obvious rhetorical question. “Who paints naked?”. This seems a reasonable line of inquiry to […]
London Lucky Dip: painting naked and adopting house plants Read More »
Gilbert Arenas is virtually unknown in the UK, where only the most famous and marketable NBA players enjoy any name recognition. In 2021, the Guardian described him as a ‘clownish Steph Curry antecedent turned podcast host.’ I wouldn’t have any idea who Arenas was, but for encountering a strange and memorable magazine profile in 2006:
The Mid-Noughties Ghost of Gilbert Arenas Read More »
The Parable of the Chinese Farmer has been on my mind recently. Though in my case the Parable of the Sleepless Writer would be more appropriate. A couple of years ago I bought an alarm clock. I wanted to sleep without my phone by my bedside, in an effort to reduce my screen time. My
The Good Decision / Bad Decision Alarm Clock Read More »
I received my final mixtape in 2005. In those days, receiving a cassette already felt slightly quaint, if not yet anachronistic or performative. Still, you could hand it over with some confidence that the recipient could find a way to play it, on a compact kitchen stereo or an exhumed walkman. This romantic mixtape was
A Mixtape and the Trough of Longing Read More »
Last year I started another strange collection. I began to look out for instances of what I thought of as ‘digital bathos’. That is: moments where a customer-facing digital display fails to have the desired effect, with mildly comic results. Misaligned and glitching messages on public transport always brought a weird satisfaction. Then I began
Digital Bathos: the petty joys of public glitches Read More »
In which I make a series of disturbing discoveries on the way to the shops, and witness a surreal, theatrical dispute on the streets of Wimbledon… The pavement is deserted and dark at 5pm, slick with rain, which is falling in a light haze. Below the curb, between two parked cars, I spot a large
London Lucky Dip: Gutter Baby and Discount Prospero Read More »
Selected scenes from the capital: A smoker’s modest proposal. A mobile art installation. Cheap thrills in the sweet shop. A steam train cameo… Two men are smoking outside a supermarket in Balham. A slightly shabby man approaches them. “Can I get one of those fags?” he asks. “Sorry,” says one of the smoking men. “These
London Lucky Dip: Snapshots from Autumn-Winter Read More »
I awoke to discover both my home and my spouse undergoing an unnerving renewal… It’s around 7am. I walk into the back bedroom of my house to find it in complete disarray. There are trails of mortar and dust on every surface and a general disorder to the contents of the room. It’s the kind
Dream: wife redecorates Read More »
